I’M AFRAID
Don’t worry mom I’m physically safe! I’m afraid of being known. I’m even afraid of being known by the Lord. That’s a scary thing to admit on the internet, but hear me out. I have been okay with people knowing who I am and acknowledging my existence throughout my life, but I have always been deeply afraid of being known. When you’re known there is room for judgment, rejection, and emotional hurt. The enemy has lied to me for a long time, that if I am known people would never accept or like me. The Lord says different,
“I will be glad and rejoice in your mercy, For you have considered my trouble; You have KNOWN my soul in adversities.” Psalm 31:7
As I sat with one of my World Race teammates drinking coffee I confessed my fears of being known. There have only been a few people that have truly known me in my life and those people have also hurt me deeply. Some might be reading this blog and thinking, “I know you!” but I’m going to be the bearer of bad news and let you know that you don’t. I can admit that is a very sad statement.
I have been on a journey to know the Lord deeper and He has been teaching me about being known. Being known can be scary but it is a really good thing! In his book ‘Crazy Love,’ Francis Chan said, “God is all-knowing. Isn’t this an intimidating thought? Each of us, to some degree, fools our friends and family about who we really are. But it’s impossible to do that with God. He knows each of us, deeply and specifically.” He is so good! Even when my heart was in hiding He knew me deeply and specifically! The Lord delights in knowing me and you! He longs to draw your heart to Him but He always does it with gentleness and love. He is always accepting of our brokenness but in His presence, our brokenness doesn’t stay broken! He so beautifully pieces back together and heals the things that might hold a place of shame or embarrassment in our hearts and turns it into our testimony for His glory. God created us as relational beings and longs to openly know us so we can know Him!
“You have searched me, LORD, and know me.” Psalm 139:1
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Thank you for your support in what the Lord is doing!
It’s so perfectly stated that I don’t even know how to respond. Thank you for sharing your heart. Thank you for making yourself known in THIS way. Needed words to hear.
Oh and I love your first sentence , putting momma at ease! Praying for you each & all, love Rachel (Jessa’s mom)