In the last two weeks, I have been trying my best to meet a fundraising deadline and I got laid-off from my job due to the panic that has gripped the world and our nation. I had a plan. I had a list of things that I thought I needed to accomplish. My mind was full of "I" statements, "how was I going to accomplish this" "how was I going to see me through". I had to hit pause for a moment and be reminded that I'm not my provider but God is. For the past six months, the Lord had been teaching me what it means to trust whole-heartedly in Him and to be fully assured that He would come through in every area of my life that I trusted Him with. It has been put to the test more than is comfortable for me, the truth is I don't know how He is going to provide for my bills or the missions trip He asked me to venture on. What I do know is, He's faithful to fulfill His word and He will provide for His purpose.

This morning I went for a walk and saw that the purple flowers that bloom every spring had come through the surface. With some of the greatest turmoil I have ever experienced swirling in my heart and mind, the Lord in His infinite wisdom spoke very clearly to my heart. He reminded me to be expectant of Him, of His presence, and His provision when all seems lost and hopeless. When winter approaches flowers wither and hide in the warmth of the soil and the most inward parts of the plant. On the outside, it looks dead, hopeless, but from the moment they wither they are preparing inwardly and waiting with great expectation for the sun to shine and sustain their life. They burst forth with their arms - petals - stretched open wide knowing that their time in the cold, their time in desperation, their time without hope has come to an end.  Flowers don't wait for winter to disappear before anticipating the touch of the sun. 

I want to live a life where I don't wait on the evidence that God is going to move, but rather live with the revelation, and expectation in my heart that He has already moved. I have by no means mastered the habit of trusting the Lord whole-heartedly, it's something that I have to work pretty hard at, He is so gracious in the moments when I'm frustrated and try to fix things myself. In this season of life, most of the questions about life that I receive are answered with the exact same phrase, "I don't know". I do know the Lord will come through in every way that He has planned. It may not look the way I thought it would be nevertheless I will trust and be expectant of His provisions in my life.

Psalm 9:9-10

"The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, 

A refuge in times of trouble.

And those who know Your name will put their trust in You;

For You, LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You."